Child Care Question of the Month Archive


My 8-month-old daughter is new to child care. She seems to be taking the adjustment hard (as am I!) and I am not sure how to help her. She has cried the entire day for a week straight. How long should I wait before pulling her out of care? The staff seems very attentive to her needs and very well-qualified. Maybe she’s just not a daycare kid.

Thanks for any advice you can give.

Mom in Minneapolis

Gail says : Dear M in M

Transitioning to child care can be tough on some children. Infants go through developmental stages amazingly fast. At her age, she is primed to experience “separation anxiety”—she realizes how important you are and that she is unhappy that you go away.  This stage is hard for parents and babies but, fortunately for everyone, it doesn’t usually last past the age of nine months or so.

There is also the “temperament theory”; temperament is defined as that part of the personality which is genetically based and affects how we react to our environment and how we behave under specific conditions.  There are nine temperamental traits, as defined in the classic New York Longitudinal study in the early 1950s regarding infant temperament. The study focused on how temperamental qualities influence adjustment throughout life. In the study, young infants were rated on nine temperament characteristics which affect how well a child adapts to school, interacts with friends, and behaves at home. Behaviors for each one of these traits are on a continuum; a child can lean towards the high or low end of the scale.  Temperamental traits combine differently in all of us, and the combination can have great influence on one’s temperament.

You can read more about the temperamental traits There are many excellent books on the subject. Temperamental traits—things like activity level, sensitivity to change—will also affect a baby’s needs, and how that baby reacts when her needs are not met. So your daughter could be experiencing a combination of things; ways in which her temperament affects her adaptability to child care; some very developmentally normal separation anxiety; and even a physical discomfort such as new teeth coming in. Her caregivers may feel that they are meeting her needs, but they may not yet have a good understanding of what those needs are.  She might have too many people all trying to please her and get her to stop crying, which can make things worse!  Remember, crying is the language of babies; she can’t tell us what’s bothering her in words yet, so we have to be detectives.

What to do?  You should make sure that nothing else is causing your daughter to be so distressed.  I would look carefully for signs of health concerns, as well as new teeth coming in.  You may want to talk to her pediatrician, who can ask you questions that can help determine if there’s an underlying physical cause for her difficult days.
 
I would also schedule a sit-down with the child care staff who work with her, including the director.  I would ask for some details about what they try and when, and how she reacts to their efforts.  Some important things to remember:

Welcome to parenthood!  Only you can decide what’s best for your family.  If you decide to keep trying with her current care, I would give it another week or so, if they’re willing to try some of the above ideas.   Don’t beat yourself up if you decide not to stick it out—just remember that there are lots of things you can do to help prepare your child for the experience of being cared for by someone other than Mom.  A second try will likely go just fine! You can read about choosing quality in child care and other parenting topics elsewhere on our website.  See also the new website Minnesota Parents Know for more helpful information: http://parentsknow.mn.gov/ .

Good luck, I am pulling for you!

 

Gail Mahr, Professional Development Coordinator for the Minnesota Child Care Resource and Referral Network, has been in the field of early childhood for over 13 years. She has spent time with Head Start programs and at the Greater Minneapolis Day Care Association. When asked to describe these jobs, she says, "I've done it all! Home visits, screenings and referrals, training teachers, providers and parents, consulting; helping out in classrooms and even in the kitchen once in a while. I somehow have found the time to attend over 450 hours of professional development opportunities.  Whew!  No wonder I'm tired!"

 

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